#smokefree for 3 months

*Do not read if whingeing offends as this is a very self-absorbed, negative and ‘poor me’ post. But I promised the good, the bad and the ugly.*

This is an exciting milestone so why don’t I feel happier about it? I have not had a smoke for three months – not even a cheeky puff! Have saved $2k, put on a few kilos, discovered I have much more time on my hands and according to Wikipedia, my body has reaped the following benefits:

I should be dancing on the ceiling. Singing out loud. Skipping when I walk. But to be honest, I feel depressed. I miss smoking – a great lot actually. It’s not that I constantly think about ciggies or even that I constantly crave them; but during expected and unexpected random moments I still feel like I’ve lost something I cared about, this vague sadness and unsettled feeling.

Sometimes I feel proud of myself. When my daughters hug me and tell me how nice I smell and how proud they are of me for quitting. Or when I read another article on banning smoking and breathe a sigh of relief that I am quit. And when friends and family randomly ask me how it’s going and grin from ear to ear when I report I haven’t had a set back. But it seems I am happier that I have made those I love happy and proud (which is fantastic) – but I should be happy for myself too right?

Triggers still flare up thanks to unwanted news; the pesky government are lifting taxes for a cheaper line of smokes – another reason to start again. Really? Ban them on one hand and tempt the devil on my shoulder at the same time. Or I catch up with an old friend and while sipping on a glass of shiraz feel that the vibe isn’t the same. Or I finish a few hours of gardening or writing and want to reward myself with a smoke break and sadly realise I no longer smoke. Or I have a shitty day and get a call to stop at supermarket on way home and sometimes it’s just all too hard.

As someone who always thought I viewed the world as a full cup, it seems I need to work on my attitude. I need to focus on something positive to get through the next three months. Or I am truly worried I am going to buy a packet and puff away.

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8 thoughts on “#smokefree for 3 months

  1. Don’t be discouraged, you’re doing/have done a fantastic job! Cigarettes were your reward/comfort/release for so long that your brain has come to associate them with good feelings; of course you’re going to miss them! But that’s all it is. Brains are tricky little devils – remember that 🙂

  2. I feel the same way & it’s been 6 months quit for me. I do miss them especially when I am bored & sad. Bu I can’t go back to them. It’s a slow suicide & I really want to be here for my grandkids! I have one & one on the way this summer. I want them to know me. Good luck to you. You have been thru all the really hard physical part, so stick with it. Just think, too, what we can buy with all the money saved!

    • Well done. And congratulations on becoming a Grandma. Yes, just one would be the start of full-time smoking again for me too. You have just inspired my next three months. Thank you.

  3. hi, thank you for being so open about your experience. I have tried to quit before and i plan to try again soon. have you rewarded yourself with the money you’ve saved???

    • Hi Faye, thanks for your message. I do wonder if I am too open at times… 🙂 Good luck with quitting, it’s not an easy thing to do. Haven’t rewarded myself yet – I am kind of stunned by how quickly it has mounted up. I just look at it in delirious shock. Will blog about it if and when I do spend up.

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