By now my sense of smell and taste has improved. Much to the despair of my waistline. The air tastes sweeter and my hair smells pretty good too.
I have saved some cash, discovered a new morning beverage (water with a squeeze of lemon and a dash of apple cider vinegar) and experienced a mini mental meltdown in my local Safeway supermarket car park. Let me tell you more about my new morning beverage….
No, I think you will find my mini meltdown slightly more interesting! 🙂
After I lost my patience with my husband, I told my daughter I had to go and buy a packet of smokes. I felt defeated, angry, sad, frustrated, useless and emotionally distraught all at the same time. The look in her eyes stayed with me as I stubbornly reclaimed my cigarette lighter from its hiding place and drove to the local supermarket.
When I walked in – I stared at the counter where I would buy my ‘knights in shining armour’. Then walked through the aisles, grabbed a 600ml of milk and a lollipop (which I have here at my desk to remind me of my meltdown).
Sat in my car in the car park and let out an almighty gutteral cry. The tears kept coming and I let them. Then I came home and jumped into bed with my daughter – breathing triumphantly into her face to prove my resistance. We shared some milk together and I fell asleep to the sound of her breathing. It brought me back to my reasons to quit. The next day when I was chatting on the phone to my Mum – she said ‘you have been tested Becky, and you have succeeded. Well done’.
It didn’t feel great, and I am ashamed to admit some parts of this story to you all. But it does feel great now when I reflect on the strength it took to stop myself from smoking again. And it does remind me how lucky I am to have such great support from family, friends and colleagues. Will share some examples of this another time.